EPISODE 20 - WIDOWHOOD

With the drop in life expectancy in the developing world due to stress, inadequate medical care and poverty, loss of spouse seem to be a common feature of the middle age rather than old age. I co-ordinate a faith-based widows’ group spread out over many parishes and tribes in this country and I can tell you that the age range of members is between 35 – 60 years of age. And that’s the midlife range.

Problems of young widows in the African setting range from fear of the future, poverty, because most couples here live below the middle income, seizure of property (coveting of rights), abandonment by relatives, heading to loneliness, social insecurity, vulnerability to sexual abuse and immorality regarding sexual matters and difficulties in single parenting.

Fear for the future

A woman in her thirties to fifties who loses her husband to death is confronted with the fear for her future life and old age. She naturally goes through the grieving stages of shock, disbelief, realization and fear.

Any widow whose husband has been buried must have realized that the game is for real and so the major hurdle to cross is that of fear. Some fear that their partners may come for them especially if they were very close before separation but most others fear for a lonely old age. And because of this, they stubbornly clutch at the dead spouse emotionally and psychologically and spend time and energy that should have been used in facing reality into grieving, self-pity and anger.

Steps for recovery

1)   Parting must come at a time we have no control over. We can only pray and hope for a long life but we must still allow God to be God in our lives.

2)   Release spouse to his rest

3)   Remember that the children are looking up to you for strength and your dead spouse is trusting that you will be there for them. So put yourself together and adjust the family’s lifestyle to suit your present income. Confide your plans and reasons to your children so that they can co-operate with you.

4)   Then don’t cross any bridge before you get there. Concern on surviving each day and TRUST GOD to provide for tomorrow.

REM: In a very big storm, big trees may be pulled down but the fragile flowers at the base of the trees are left untouched when the storm is over. God seems to be more interested in preserving the weak and fragile. You will make it.