EPISODE 22 - WIDOWHOOD AND SOCIAL ADJUSTMENT

Women who are mostly hit by widowhood are those who have not learned early in life to adapt to different life situations, who were over pampered and thought everyone should be at their beck and call and those who have failed to face reality.

As a maiden in her father’s house, a woman has her parent’s protection, as a wife she has her husband’s protection, but as a widow, particularly a young one, she finds herself apparently alone. The kids may be too young for her to confide her fears and experiences too and even when assaulted our societal security system often does not give adequate protection to our women except if she poses extra-hard for justice.

So what to do?

Every woman who finds herself alone due to loss of spouse should try to live for today and not continue to lament about yesterday. Life may have been more comfortable when her husband was alive; her friends may have been many when her husband was alive; her children may have been attending the best school and so on. But now the story is probably different. She should accept it and find ways to move on.

In the previous episodes, I have stressed that she should eschew fear from her life and replace it with self confidence and complete trust in God.

If her income will not sustain the family;s living standard and projections, she should confide her plans to the children and then stir the lifestyle to the level she can sustain in such a way that the children do not feel that their world is cracking. Anyone in any status of life can still achieve his dreams if there are planned goals, dedication and trust in divine providence.

Again she not place her hope on any living person; trusted family friends, thoughtful relations and church members can be of immense help she should see those helps/interventions as pleasant surprises rather than fulfillment of expectations. If not, she will increase her vulnerability to Greek gifts and to disappointments.

                             SAFETY LINES

1.     Face reality

2.     Confide in your children and impart confidence in them

3.     Join healthy support groups and make friends with those who have experienced similar traumas in life and managed them well

4.     Work hard but know when to rest

5.     Have unshakable trust in God

6.     Try to always be calm and happy even in the midst of the storm